On a recent business trip to Europe a consulting colleague and I went with our client to visit:
4 countries in
10 days
in 3 separate time zones
(all in the range of 8-10 hours' time difference from home).
I spent time in 6 different cities (one of which, Brussels, was apparently voted the "3rd greenest capital” in the world according to one taxi driver),
by traveling through 9separate airports,
in the process of which I was x-ray screened approx. 13 times, (though individually patted down only 2 times) and my computer and handbag went through more than 17 x-rays on their own.
I took 12 taxi rides : 2 with the same French driver in a dented mini-van in Munich, 1 with a balding Belgian cursing into his cell phone about a prior customer, “il a fait tout un cinema” while simultaneously blasting “Angie” through tinny speaker, but none with any kind of vehicle driven by a woman.
I learned that we could have attended 4 concerts by aging Anglo pop stars: the Rolling Stones (Brussels), Ozzy Ozborne (Helsinki), the Eagles (Dublin), Snoop Dog and Puff Daddy (together in concert in Munich). Had we known in advance, that is. We first learned of each concert the morning after.
I saw 1 “clamped” (translation for the Americans – “booted”) but otherwise pristine red Ferrari parked in front of the most expensive hotel in Dublin. “It makes no sense,” that taxi driver told us as we passed by at 5 AM on our way to the airport. “With all the money he (the Ferrari driver) has, so what if the fine is hundreds of Euros? It’s nothing to him.”)
I took 3 separate subway rides (2 in Munich, 1 in Brussels) but only actually purchased 2 one-way tickets (so much for the German honor system…)
I gathered 5 passport stamps (2 of which were German: the first only in transit, the second preceded by the passport agent looking me up and down several times, his eyes squinting into mere suspicious slivers as he asked, “So exactly how long are you planning to stay this time?”)
I sat in 4 different conference rooms (2 of which had windows which let in outside/exterior light)
to conduct 9 separate focus groups
with 42 attendees
who spoke a total of 7 native languages
and filled out 40 response forms (all in English), which I was tasked to haul around in my carry-on bag for each separate flight.
I watched the sun set at 12 AM over the hotel parking lot in Helsinki and then sadly realized when the rays tapped on my eyelids to wake me up again that it was only 3 AM.
I learned about -- but thankfully did NOT have to visit -- the 1 specialized Finnish "conference room" (aka standard business sauna) where meetings are routinely conducted sweaty and in the nude.
I visited 2 different German street festivals in separate cities but on the same weekend where I heard no less than 4 mediocre bands attempting a wide variety of retro English language music; (Including “you’ve got to get your boogie down,” in a German accent with precisely the same mechanical emphasis on every syllable)
I made time to sample free chocolate in 3 different stores in downtown Brussels (including one with its own chocolate fountain)
I saw 5 clever pub/eatery signs in Dublin through taxi cab windows on the way to and from the airport and conference room: “Tasty options” “Dr. Quirky’s Old Time Emporium” “Tapped Out”, "Abrekababra" (a kebab shop), and the somewhat questionable, “Happy Daze”.
I borrowed 1 cruising bicycle in central Germany and then later that weekend met a man whose own bike (with disc brakes) had been stolen from its Munich parking spot by what he claimed was the East European bicycle mafia.
I e-mailed 2 revised chapters of my novel-in-progress from 1 hotel lobby bar (in Dublin, of course) where the wi-fi internet access was free (in the room the same access cost 20 euros).
I consumed 3 meals in airports -- 1 dinner, 1 lunch and 1 breakfast – only 1 of which I actually purchased from an airport vendor (lunch in Helsinki).
When I got home, I slept for 12 hours straight (but that wasn't until 3 days later). Before that...
...only 24 hours after my return, my grandmother turned 92. Extremely exhausted, jet lagged and frazzled, I nevertheless decided to buy her 2 separate desserts to and corralled my cousin into joining me for a mini-after dinner celebration with her.
"Oh hi," my grandmother smiled and perked up and greeted my cousin (who is not actually her grandson) before me, "It's so great to see you. I'm so delighted." She turned to me and frowned "I didn't know you were coming. You should have told me you were coming because you see I don’t have any food and the girl (her housekeeper/companion) has to go out tomorrow to get me some milk and other things. But if I had known, I could have asked you instead."
